La Cornacchia e la Farfalla
by slowrabbits
Summary: There was a soothing voice in her head saying, 'here he is,' and Sakura was quick to be thankful. Here was the reprieve for all the suffering she'd endured during the last days.


**Author's Note: **This was something I just had to get out of my system. It's pathetically short because it was a spur of the moment thing. Accounting class makes a gloomy, thoughtful bitch out of me. To be honest, I really don't like how this turned out. Go easy on me.

**Disclaimer: **This giraffe owns no rights.

* * *

**La Cornacchia e la Farfalla**

By : slowrabbits

There was no pain greater than losing a child.

Perhaps there had been the process itself of waking from the not at all pleasant sensation of having a hundred white-hot knives being jabbed into her belly and seeing herself half drowned in her own blood. Yes, that had been truly painful and terrifying. Intense cramps had made her curl up into a fetal position and she screamed, screamed, screamed in horror and agony until her husband burst through the door. His eyes first landed on her glorious face, twisted in pain and misery and smeared with tears and blood. Blood. There had been so much. Too much. For a little thing, she sure was bleeding a lot. Desperate for relief, she hooked a hand under the slight bulge of her stomach and pressed insistently against her abdomen as if preventing the baby from slipping away from her, even as a shooting pain ran down her body. Shocked into paralysis, Sasuke stood by the doorway for what seemed to be an immeasurably long time as he absorbed the grotesque scene before him. Bile threatened to rise up his throat, but he willed it back. Despite the shock, the onyx-eyed man was quick to regain control over his body and he rushed to his wife's side. "Oh, God," he groaned "What's happening?" he asked, although he already had a guess. His question was answered by a gut-pulling cry that made his blood freeze. He held her, rocked her, and yelled for Naruto, who had been rooted at the spot by the door to call for help.

It hurt. Dear Lord, did it hurt. It had felt as if her insides were being pulled out and her lungs were being flattened by hot irons. A panic attack took away her breath even as Sasuke and Naruto tried to draw her out of it with soothing words and gentle strokes. The pain was unimaginably long and harsh. But nothing could compare to the hard blows that emotion dealt to her heart. Sakura knew what everyone suspected. She knew that she had failed.

When Tsunade came, Sakura was beyond reason. Body and mind had separated and she hardly felt anything now. The madness buzzing around her fed her own insanity. The pain was still there, but dull now, cushioned by shock; like a blunt knife that kept stabbing and stabbing at all points of her body. Her fevered state of mind did not register the Hokage's grave statement that they had to get the stillborn out of her. She only heard the order to push and only felt her own husband aiding -although reluctantly- in pushing their own child out of her by kneading her stomach. She cried and thrashed around like a woman demon-possessed. In her confused, fearful heart, her child was not dead and everyone was taking him away from her. No, she had shrieked. Don't take him away. She begged and begged but it was as if no one heard. She saw Naruto slip in behind her and wound his arms around her in restraint. He whispered easy words of comfort in her ear even as the pink-haired kunoichi, with her monster strength, jabbed her elbow painfully into his gut, sank her nails into his arms and everywhere they could reach and near broke his femur when she brutally bought her hand down on it. She fought to free herself like a tiger. She ripped at clothes and skin and pulled at hair. Through the deluge of emotions drowning her, she did not see the hurt Naruto felt for both his friends in his eyes.

It was not long until the sleeping jutsu Tsunade had sneakily performed acted and put Sakura down as fast as a clap. Her last thought was of how hot her husband's tears felt against her skin.

* * *

_"Hey, where's Sakura-chan?" Naruto Uzumaki asked in his typically loud voice which earned him a painful smack at the back of his head from his inky-haired host._

_"Dobe. Shut up. She's in bed." Sasuke hissed in a deadly undertone._

_The vivacious blond rubbed the painful area of his head and supported a quizzical look on his face. "Huh. You don't see Sakura-chan sleeping in often. But I suppose she'd be pretty tired, lagging around that big-headed bastard of yours."_

_Sasuke was actually anxious and worried enough to ignore Naruto's comment and voice his concerns. "She's not sleeping. I told her to lie back down since she was complaining of some stomach pain. She's been pretty tired lately."_

_"Yeah?" Naruto asked, ignoring his cooling tea. The Jinchuriki host knew his favorite medic's tendencies to overdo. "Has she been taking those pills from Hinata-chan?"_

_Sasuke nodded shortly. "I worry about her."_

_Since it was unusual for the classically stoic Uchiha to mention anything pertaining to the fact that he had emotions, Naruto twisted fretfully in his seat. "What's wrong?"_

_Sasuke's face took on an expression of weariness before he turned to the kettle for more tea he wouldn't drink. "She's always so... worn out." he said, disapproval heavy in his tone. "I keep telling her to lose some of her work load but she gets defensive and says that she has responsibilities and whatever."_

_Naruto frowned. However naïve he was, he wasn't stupid. "That's not going to be good for her and the baby's health." he murmured. Observing that his best friend was neatening obsessively again, a nervous habit he was unaware he had, Naruto made sure his tone was reassuring and cheerful. "Hey, Teme, don't sweat it. I'll talk to Sakura-chan when she gets up. We all know she can't resist me."_

_"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Dobe."_

_Naruto knew that was the closest he would get to a 'thank you'._

_Just as he was about to suggest going to the couple's room to wake their precious team mate up, Naruto was interrupted by Sakura's spine-chilling scream. The blond was right on Sasuke's heels as the onyx-eyed man dashed to his wife._

* * *

Her fever broke three days later. She found herself in the hospital attached to wires and machines and she was frightened. She knew her baby was gone and her grief was great. She pressed a hand to her belly, now flat and soft and she felt hollow but not just because her womb was empty. Her heart had dropped to her stomach and shot up like a missile so her throat clogged up and she couldn't speak; not that she had anything to say in the first place. Something constricted around her chest and it felt as if she was being crushed under a great weight. Everything felt surreal, like a dream - No, a nightmare. The sense of failure and longing was huge, weakening and something she hadn't felt in too many years to count.

Sasuke sat on a sparse plastic chair beside her bed looking ten years older since she last saw him. Under the merciless light of her hospital room, his sorrow was as visible as the tears that had stained his shirt. Deep lines dug at the corners of his mouth, on his forehead. Under his eyes were bags big enough to hide a thief and his skin had a gray cast to it. She knew that there were no words to be said to him; he had lost as much as she did and she knew he was just as inconsolable as her. With nothing else to offer, she opened her arms to him and held him. Together, they wept until their hearts were void of tears.

* * *

_He sat let her sit with him until sunset._

_At this point of his life, Sasuke Uchiha was not sure of many things. He wasn't sure that he could trust his village not to(try to) kill him in his sleep, he wasn't sure if it _was_ true that Naruto held him no more ill-will for leaving in the first place and he wasn't sure if any of his life as he knew before the infamous Uchiha Massacre was any more real than a shitty genjutsu. _

_All he knew was that he loved her. Kami-sama help him, he loved her. He didn't know why, or how he could allow his emotional defenses to get so compromised that he started loving back this little bit of a girl who had once (and still on many occasions now) tempted him to eat his own Kusanagi just because she was so fucking aggravating, but he did. He just did._

_If she was any other person, he would hate her. Because Kami knew how much Sasuke couldn't stand Sakura Haruno and the riddle of her. But she was Sakura and she never gave up on him. He would do right by her, for once in his life._

_So when he asked her to marry him, she was stunned. Ecstatic and joyful, but nevertheless stunned. _

"_You are my breath, my heart my soul. You are the thread tying me to my sanity. You bring light into my life and comfort to my pain. You're my first thought upon waking and my last before sleeping. I love you and I always will. So marry me, Sakura, and I'll make you the happiest woman in the world."_

"_Yes." She said. Then, the words that had so much meaning and history between them: "Thank you."_

* * *

It was a bright Friday morning and the thought of taking her own life crossed Sakura Uchiha's mind for the second time today. As she worked around the kitchen, she imagined the relief that would come with death; relief from all the sorrow that choked her, from the great sense of failure, from the wanting, from the guilt that ate at her. The large kitchen knife was in her hand. She shifted it so it caught the glint of the kitchen light and it taunted her, dared her. It echoed in her mind like a mantra: _it'll be quick, it'll be over_. As a medic, she knew how fast it would all end when she used the knife on the right spot with the right pressure. Oh, she was tempted. Sorely tempted to do it.

But before anymore thoughts passed her mind, a big hand caught hers which held the knife.

Sasuke. She knew the feel of his hands, his scent. His presence was as soothing as it was nerve-wracking. Even if that was true, Sakura missed him. She missed him even though he was never more than twenty feet away from her person these past few days during which she found herself tip-toeing around the sullen man; always jumpy when he was around, constantly weepy and guilt-ridden whenever he was near. Of course, it didn't help that Sasuke did the same. _Screw it, we're both mourning. If she wants to do it alone, let her be, _was what he constantly hissed to himself whenever he heard her shallow, heart-wrenching cries from inside their bedroom. There was nothing more he wanted than to run to her, gather her into his arms and smother her with love, to tell her that it was going to be okay, and that no, he wasn't mad at her and that he loved her no matter what. But he left Sakura alone because for one, he wasn't entirely sure that he _wasn'_t mad at her and secondly, he couldn't bear her rejection of his comfort for another time. He knew it was cowardly of him, but he couldn't find it in him to give a gold plated crap about that. Neither of them knew how to deal with grief this big. Neither of them knew if they could or if they wanted to. While it was Sakura's instinct to hide behind tears, it was Sasuke's defense mechanism to be angry. At Sakura for not taking better care of herself and mostly at himself for not taking better care for his wife. He knew his resentment was misplaced, but he preferred the mad rage churning in his gut to the weakening despair that shattered his heart.

The raven-haired man couldn't help but wonder, would things have turned out better if they'd done things differently? If he'd been more resilient in making Sakura take a maternity leave, or a made her lessen her work load, would the miscarriage have happened?

God, the whole mess just bought a pang to Sasuke's aching heart. He just couldn't remember himself. Every morning, he would turn to grope for his wife so he could feel the hardening mass of her stomach, as he'd always done since she told him of her pregnancy. But he would only be met with the cold sheets and the sting of disappointment accompanied by the bitter realization that things were different in the worse way possible. At random times, the image of a blooming Sakura would pop cheerfully into his head. She was swollen with his child and she looked as radiant as any woman could be. But then he'd see the present Sakura sneak around him, looking daunted and pale, not unlike a ghost.

Even with all the acrimony in him, shock lanced through his system when he saw his wife standing under the harsh light of the kitchen with a knife in her hand. He could almost hear the contemplative thoughts running through her head. He refused to acknowledge the temptation in his head to join her foolishness.

"Don't," he said in a voice that managed to be both soft and firm at the same time and convey so much pleading and sadness.

An eternity seemed to pass before Sakura reluctantly let the knife clatter on the kitchen counter. Sasuke released the breath neither of them knew he held.

Shame washed over the pink-haired kunoichi. He'd already lost so much this past week and just look at her even thinking about adding to it. Sasuke had always raved on about having a child. It was never a secret that he wanted many Uchiha children. Even with his title of traitor, more than half of the female population all over the village had been willing to volunteer as bearer of his children but Sasuke chose her because he loved her. He put a ring on her finger and she took his name. When she told him of her pregnancy seventeen weeks ago, he'd cried and thanked her. Now she lost the baby. The baby both of them wanted so much. The baby who Sasuke insisted was a girl and Sakura was sure would be a boy. The baby who in Sakura's mind was born with black hair and green eyes and was bound to be the greatest ninja of his generation.

Sakura sighed; a long and miserable sound. Her knees knocked together and she was cold. Grief and relief came hand in hand for Sasuke when she went into his arms willingly. She was drawn into her husband's warmth and she sobbed against his chest even as she wondered how any couple ever get past something so tragic. Did they stay together? Did they ever heal?

No words passed between the husband and wife but the comfort was plenty. They clung to each other as they purged the pain anew: one of them crying, one of them murmuring words of comfort. Sakura ran her hands up and down Sasuke's broad, muscled back. There was a soothing voice in her head saying, _here he is,_ and Sakura was quick to be thankful. Here was the reprieve for all the suffering she'd endured during the last days.

* * *

[*_The Crow and the Butterfly_]


End file.
